he puts the penis in happiness.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
My ass is underappreciated
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
