I think i sorta joined a cult last night
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
