the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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