Pappa wants mamma naked
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
