I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
And then he peed in my hair
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