meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
His hands were made for my vagina.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
