quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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