chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
