then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
