no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I'm having to shit out rocks
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