i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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