dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Randomize
