she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
