Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
