Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
40s are totally the cure
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
