Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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