i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
