My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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