Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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