god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
