she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
