I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
