ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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