Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Are we still banned from the library?
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
