Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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