New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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