If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
