hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
