perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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