This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Randomize
