All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
