Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
this is an emotional support booty call
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize