he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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