people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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