i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
babies were throwing up all over the place
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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