i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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