just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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