Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
