You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
