Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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