We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
