Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
