So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
