So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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