i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
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