Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize