i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
