No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
