I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
