after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
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