you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize