PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
