You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
