Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Randomize
