Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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