Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Randomize
