He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
