I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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