the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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