Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
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