i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
you traded sex for a burrito?
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
