I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
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