i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
