found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
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