Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
