shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
