that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
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