i think my mom watched the whole time
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
