ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
