i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
