...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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